Bare.Naked.Cold

This grieving man won't cry

2012-01-05T12:14:00.000-08:00

This grieving man won't cry
No he won't, he won't again try
He never shares his sheltered fears
And he vows to not be moved to tears

This grieving man wants to cry
And heaven knows, everything he's tried
He stands unique, has never been loved
He knows, He knows but He watches from above

This grieving man, I know him well
His story to you, now, I will tell
He cries secretly, with the dark of the night
He cries, he cries, he's crying inside.

Moko Kahan Dhoondhe

2010-09-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

This is a composition of mine I've been meaning to share with everyone for a while. It is called "Moko kahan Dhoondhe re bande", meaning Where do you search me? I'm right here with you (Implying why do you even look for me, when I'm right here with you!)

Moko Kaha dhoondhe by rohanjoseph

Blown!

2009-08-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

Rented an alto saxophone over the weekend to see if I could get a single note out of it. Ended up recording something! State of mind: Super Excited! :)

A day of firsts!

2009-05-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

First time I ..

... woke up at 7:30 am on a Saturday morning!

... attended my first acting work shop

... watched an orchestral symphony perform Beethoven's 9th

... I realized why I totally love the intro to Michael Jackson's "Will you be there". It is from the Beethoven's 9th:)

Sample this, or that

2009-04-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

A.R Rahman uses samples. Yes, I know, it's a widely known story that he does. But why am I writing about it? Because I actually own some of the samples he has used!! :)

What is a sample?

A sample is an audio file snippet (usually, it could be a Midi file as well. More on that later). It could be in the form of a loop (something that will repeat itself after a certain period of time).

For e.g if you have listened to "Pappu can't dance" and paid attention to how it starts, recall it starts with a nice running synthesized bass pattern. Guess what? It's a sample. But what about the beat that starts after that? It's a sample. How do I know? Well, apple sells royalty free samples and yes, they CAN be used professionally.

This is how it works. Most composers are short of time (Rahman himself admitted to having just 3 weeks to do the score for Slumdog). So they have ideas on what things should sound like (I trust Rahman does). What they would normally do is to call a musician to their studio and record a few lines, OR, use a sample (that is pre-recorded and paid for)! I would imagine it would have to be trial and error, but I think it all comes down to knowing what will sound really good.

Some day I am going to write down a full fledged post on samples etc and I hope it comes sooner than later.

PS: Using the samples A.R used, in a totally different song is fun! :)

Loud, louder, loudest.

2009-04-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

Turns out that some people still think that the louder you are, the more probable it is that others who are watching, and probably have no clue as to why you are loud, lend your argument more credibility.

Selina: "THE FRIDGE IS BROKEN"

Raimundo: "I know"

Selina: "IT SHOULDN'T BE BROKEN"

Raimundo: "Hmm"

Selina: "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE"

Raimundo: "Err.."

Selina: "NO WAY!!! THIS IS ...ARGHHH"

Raimundo: "I'll call the electrician"

Selina: "BUT IT'S BROKEN. IT'S BROKEN. IT REALLY IS BROKEN!!!!!"

..passers by watch...long awkward silence...

Selina: "THIS IS NOT HOW A FRIDGE SHOULD BE!@!!!!!@%@#%"

Raimundo: (conjuring an image of him strangling Selina)

"I know..."

The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth. Psalms 25:8

Write Fearlessly

2009-04-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Ok, this is too much pressure. Everyone I know has started or restarted blogging. Why was I not able to pen down my thoughts? A very dull and event-less 9 months on my blog. If I ever had a fan club, it doesn't exist now.

I was afraid to write. Why? Because I was afraid that I might come off sounding pretentious or self-serious, or perhaps outright fake. Shudder.

But something really good happened last week. I got a chance to attend a song writing workshop conducted by Prof. Patt Pattison from the Berklee School of Music. He's worked with John Mayer (not really a fan of his music, though I like "Back to you").

Anyway, in comes Prof Patt and I already knew this would be fun, because the moment he took the stage (if I could call the space in front of the board, that), people started applauding, and instead of the usual "You're so kind, please stop" gesture, he naughtily urged his audience to clap louder :) .Fun.

And here's why I decided to start writing again.He started his session by telling us, never give up writing. "Write Fearlessly". And don't be afraid to write crap.

Because, it is out of crap, that we see beautiful trees grow.

Amen.

The Dreammile 2008

2008-08-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

Four months into my new job at Intel, I began to analyze how I spent my time after work - the "I have a life, dude" part. Yes, I had a few plans, some that involved exercise (and never took off) and then some involving soccer, and music and all that good stuff you dream about doing when you finally get some free time.

I was being wooed by the idea of joining Vibha (www.vibha.org), a non profit organization, but as it is with the nature of these endeavors, I was commitment phobic. Yes, I wasn't too sure I would hang around post the samosas and garam chai phase. And so I kept vacillating, until one fine day I just went and signed up. I am slowly starting to grow to be a part of it and like it more each week:)

Vibha is an organization that raises funds to support projects that supports the welfare of children in India. And spearheading this effort in Austin, is our annual fundraiser event - The Dream Mile (www.dreammile.org/austin). Aptly titled, I think in some ways this event is meant to inspire hope in our minds, that we can improve the lives of children back home, give them hope and probably a better life.

I have made myself a promise to raise $500 before this event. And you will be amazed to know the difference that amount can make to the children we are trying to help.

* $120 can give quality education to a child for a whole year

* $50 can facilitate the rehabilitation of a severely mentally handicapped child for a year

* $40 can sponsor the non-formal education of a child for a whole year.

* $35 can keep a child safe from many fatal diseases by providing him/her complete immunizations for a year.

* $30 can provide a child with all the educational materials he/she needs for a year.

To know more, please click here to visit my fund-raising page.

If I have motivated you in anyway, to help either by writing a check or by actually volunteering, then it can't be a better day.

Changing colors

2008-01-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

The amber sky is filled with dreams,
of people who work and don't breathe between their
hopeless lives of pain and fear
wanting to hold someone near

They wait as things begin to change
The color yellow from orange came
to spill into the void they hold
and shades of ocher paint their souls

The tangerine taste of reality
comes flowing into the flesh of circumstance
changing so fluently, pushing boundaries so inwardly,
making no space for you and me!

We could take upon ourselves, of changing the unbearable hue
of clearing skies from amber to the ethereal radiant blue
so symbolizing what must be, no more the sky of broken dreams
but a sky of brazen mirth and warmth, the will to celebrate a joyous life!

7 thoughts..

2007-12-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

Thought #1:
A few years ago, when I was still an undergrad studying to be an engineer, I lived life without a worry. Everything that followed was part of a systematic process that we are used to as engineering students in India; a semester begins, assignments begin to pile up, submissions coincide with exams, exams coincide with family functions; we are free when the world is busy and then back to school, followed by the hype of results being announced. Everything, was set in a pattern. In other words, I was institutionalized. It is easy to take things for granted when you are at a stage in your life, when you don't have to think for yourself.

Thought #2:
I don't know if I have grown up. I think I am still growing. I am constantly learning - like right now, the current phase I am in, is teaching me a lot, and I am forced to learn. They say that, when you are at your lowest, look around to see who is standing by you - the people you see, are friends. I don't understand the phrase "true friend". Either somebody is a friend, or they are not. What you believe are the qualities a person must possess to be called your friend, will make up your idea of a friend. I am probably not the best to comment on friendship - I am probably not any body's best friend. But what I do know is, relationships grow. And growth being inevitable, changes things - otherwise, it is a contradiction of the definition of growth itself.

Thought #3:Things have changed. I know, for sure, who my friends are. I know for sure, that there are people, who are not friends, and yet have all that you think a friend must have. I don't know what to call them. They are not people you hang out with, they are not people with whom you simply love equating wavelengths with, and they are not somebody with whom you could watch a movie - they are just good people.

Thought #4:In these past few months, I have realized that when you fall down, you get up. YOU, get up - people will try to pick you up, but if you don't want to, you stay fallen forever.

Thought #5:It takes great strength of character to be happy and to care for someone else when you are at your lowest. It is no great feat to show care and concern for someone when you know you couldn't be happier. Such concern if any, is false.

Thought #6:People around me are good. I am good. I wonder what the problem is.

Thought #7: Your maturity is directly proportional to how often and easily you take steps to mend broken relationships. I don't think it is a factor of personality - that, is the thinnest excuse in the whole world. Having said that, there is only so much that one can do. Beyond that, it wasn't meant to be.

Narayana ..Narayana

2007-11-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

Today was a very special day. 500 odd people including me were treated to a rousing and inspiring lecture by Mr. Narayana Murthy, Chairman of the Board for Infosys technology. For young aspiring entrepreneurs, Mr. Murthy, is nothing short of a celebrity. But neither was this event a celebrity event nor was his entrance over glorified and celebrity-like.

I was seated near the exit (always, always have an exit strategy) because I had decided to leave midway for my TA office hour. By that advantage, I noticed most people who sauntered in. Some were excited, some reserved. Faculty and some distinguished invitees came dressed in formals, while the grad students, looked their part. While I noticed most of them, I did not notice Mr. Murthy. Shocking? If you saw the man you'd understand. Standing near the podium, with confidence and composure I have never seen, was Mr. Murthy. He was friendly and seemed, ordinary. Yet, I felt, something extraordinary would follow.

He made no haste in getting to the meat of his agenda - sparing the few initial words of praise for his host, Michael Dell, the founder of Dell. The talk was on globalization - the efforts that need to be taken in making it a part of corporate and more importantly, national conscience , the reason the US must remain the biggest initiator and motivator, and finally great examples of successful entrants into the "Global Bazaar" - India and China. He was crystal clear and his words showed how carefully prepared he was - backing every statement with a statistic or a fact. He never did give anybody a chance to protest, retort or applaud. The talk was succinct and to the point. He did not mince words. He called a spade a spade, when he talked of how developed countries like the US took great advantage of cheap labor through outsourcing or when he stated rather emphatically that China produces nearly 500,000 engineers a year, India not far behind with 450,000 and the US, a disappointing, 40K-80K; these statements caused some in the audience to squirm, while others, read, the junta, to beam.

He did not deny that globalization comes at the momentary cost of local people losing jobs to foreign investors and MNC's. But he emphasized that this only raised the bar of quality and made competition keen while generating at least twice the original number of job opportunities. He declared the following:

1. Start, where there is a capital
2. Produce where it is cost-efficient
3. Sell where there is a market

He said he believed that even issues like world peace and terrorism could be resolved through trade. He was confident that no minister from any country would want the economic progress of his country to suffer at the hands of geo-politics. Personally, I think it is an over-optimistic view, but, optimism they say is good.

His talk was simple; no overtly emotional BS, no controversial statements and no frills. After all, it is difficult to counter facts, and he obviously only believes the model will work because statistics don't lie.

The best moment of the entire lecture came, when a girl in her twenties, got up excitedly when she got a turn to ask a question. She said excitedly and full of emotion, " Mr. Murthy, you are my biggest hero/inspiration and I am proud to be working for you. Infact I am your 52,XYY st/nd/rd/th employee. " The audience found it cute and laughed.

Mr. Murthy replied, " You are obviously new and excited. After some time you will realise. "

Mama said..

2007-11-07T06:59:00.000-08:00

Two little fishes in biiiig pool
Mama fish said, "Run off to school"!
But "No!" said the fishes, for it was a fiiiinee day,
The two little fishes, ran off to play
They swam in the river, they lay in the sun
They laughed at the turtle, for life was such fun
...
Then a dark cloud came sailing by,
The two little fishes began to cry
"Oh Mama! Help Mama"
But sad was their fate
....
The two little fishes were cooked in a pan
to make a fine dinner, for some hungry man

PS: Why do I get the feeling that something's chewing me?

- - -

2007-10-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

The King, in his world, thought he was right
put beauty and vain before thought and foresight
sent all his horses on a journey so vain
No one will ever know, of them, what became

It is through hind sight I gain, the wisdom I seek
Such numbness to advice, only I can perceive
By the time I can use the wisdom I've gained
It is too far in the past, facing uncertain lanes

I'm alone, and I'm confused
I feel sad and I am bemused
Where can I go, if I choose to so?
I don't think I can, I'll just follow the flow

Love, Struck

2007-09-10T13:38:00.000-07:00

With a forthright smile and crystal will
calmly she side-stepped the agonizing chill,
blew out the candles, the darkness she sought
with rare distinction, the battle she fought

The wily fox knew how it stood,
so the path least tread, he willingly took
Sprinting across the desolate moor
with stealth unique,on the parquet floor

There she lay, all dressed in blue
shining so tenderly, in the glory of the moon,
What wondrous beauty, what beautiful charm
She slept like a child, no worry, no alarm

Then the fox stood by her side
gleaming wickedness, inside his eyes
Gnarled at the girl, so she would wake
But neither gnarl nor growl would intimidate

Perplexed, confused, the fox withdrew
this is strange, he thought, he knew
retracting his steps he went the way he came
Not sure, puzzled, he couldn't explain

How then did she stay, unmoved and calm,
and did not breathe or turn, nor flinch her arm?
Then love,maybe, took away her life, like a whim
If it was love that struck, who is to win?

Memory Sticks

2007-08-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

Powder blue sky, oily yellow lamp
a reflection filled mirror, and memories alive
I would like to choose, what I must forget
But the obstinate mind won't let me yet

One,two, four or eight
Don't know where my mind's been of late,
If I could erase, erase I would,
But a life time of memories? I wonder if I could

Maybe I could backup, and then throw away,
What use is it to me, it doesn't need to stay
But try as hard, as hard as i can
Memory sticks, if memory can

If only..

2007-06-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

I looked up to the stars,
and was amazed by their light,
They lit that blanket so beautifully well,
If only the stars were mine, and the night as well

Dejected I looked into the distance at a seamless blend
Where it was Earth's beginning and Heaven's end
They held together so beautifully well,
If only earth was mine and heaven as well

Sorrowful I looked down at the marble floor
and found myself looking below
What I saw looked unwell,
If only the smile was mine and the joy as well

Love her like that!

2007-04-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

She's the breeze that blows over,
When your brow is tired and sober,
When your body is starting to wear,
When your mind no longer cares

She's a friend, she's a mother,
in one role or the other
She's an emblem of deliverance,
from one world to another

She's like very special cognac,
doubly distilled and well contained
She's got style, she's got poise
She's got beauty, she's got grace

She's ordinary, she's gentle,
She's kind and intellectual
She teaches and she learns
She kindles and she burns

She's like the hope of morning,
like the fulfillment of night,
like the success of an endeavor,
like the victory of a fight

She could be anyone you want,
She could mean anything you understand
If she's worth all you have
Then you better love her like that!

Humility,Confidence & Devotion - Part I

2007-04-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

In the past few days, I have been mulling over what to write. Sometimes the urge to write superseded the urge to write something sensible. But ever since I attended the concert by Pt.Ravi Shankar and his daughter,Anoushka Shankar, I have had this compelling feeling, that no matter how hard I try my conscious best to explain what I have experienced, my words will fail to recreate the magic. This one post is filled with many kind acts. First off I'd like to thank Meghana Deodhar, Nikhil Gulati and Shweta Aggrawal for bringing this unique opportunity to my notice and further more, giving us the best seats in the theater.

PART I

When we reached Paramount Theater, the buzz was slight. It almost felt like for most present, it could be an everyday affair. I could hardly believe the reason I was standing there - to attend a concert performance by one of India's most prolific and probably the greatest exponent of the Indian classical instrument, the sitar. I was short of expectations. I was short on ideas and short on words. As I set foot into the 'orchestra level' section, I suffered a mild class shock. Austin's upper economic echelon seemed to be in attendance and I began to wonder about the man's reach through his music. Being an Indian in the U.S for the past 2 years has brought one thing to my knowledge, and that being this country loves talent. And India, has it.

As we took our seats, the constant chatter kept its momentum, only to be interrupted by a brief introduction of our distinguished performers. I had read very little about Anoushka Shankar prior to this day. Besides being acquainted with what the media had to say about her genius and her skills matching those of her reputed father, I knew little else. I was glad later on for the lack of any preconceived notion.As it turned out, the clean slate of a mind that wishes to experience a joy ride with open eyes comes out well colored and even more wise.

Anoushka Shankar stepped onto the stage.With a sto0ping bow and little fuss picked up her sitar and began tuning it. I've been on stage a couple of times before. What is commonly believed to be annoying is your audience talking, but trust me, what can be even more nerve wracking is an audience that is patient and willing to wait till you are ready. Now this can be scary, because all eyes are on you. You can feel every expectation weighing down on your confidence and causing your shoulders to stiffen.And the burden couldn't have been any lighter for Pt.Ravi Shankar's daughter.But Anoushka showed no sign.She went about with great deft, tuned the bass and soprano tanpura's to perfection and then quickly settled down herself. With mic's positioned and her audience alert, she introduced her piece. And then, began what I feel is a manifestation of talent supported by an arrogance justified.

God Bless!

2007-04-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

If you've been watching the skies lately
you will notice, there are stars shining brightly
They've been there since Tuesday morning
They appeared without a warning

While hearts around us
lie broken,bruised at wounded
Let's all just say a prayer,
for the faithful departed

If there is a God, whom we blindly believe in
I hope that through his mercy,we get ahead slowly
Look up to heaven and see that light
The skies are so much brighter tonight

Not this life, but the next
should we meet, I will embrace you
For I have missed a chance to meet
a person I never knew, has made my heart bleed

To your loved ones, may God bring more love
To your friends, may they find strength
Your life will always be a celebration
Till we meet then, you're safe in heaven.

God bless Virginia Tech!

Its about being happy

2007-04-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

Life takes off in a big way when you're most likely not ready to go anywhere. It jumps out of corners dragging you by your horns and compelling you to react whether you like it or not. And there are times, when you want to do something; maybe you want to para glide or start a new venture or a get a haircut and that's when something else happens; thunderstorms take over, you run out of capital, or you're having a bad hair day.

In these years and with hopefully many more to come, I hope to become wiser than I am. But unfortunately, you don't get to be wiser unless you have hindsight with you. And so, we take life head on. Well most of us do. Some of us calculate like "I don't think this will work, because I need to finish blah by the end of blah, then this damn blah that I'm doing right now, must be done by blah; but this blah is due in two days. What the blah am I doing?!" Some others plan, like "In two years time I will be earning 120K, which means I must be working towards a promotion in a year's time, which means I need a job in the next 6 months, which means I'm on track so far" Good for you!

But honestly, I think we define our happiness by perception. Like my brother told me the other day " Take a look around, and if you don't like what you see, then build your world and live your life" I think its about that and many other things that we think life should be. But at the end of the day its about living it. Living it without thinking about living it. That, is kind of hard, but quite a sublime thought actually. It's a fine line between what's understood and what's implied.

Irrespective of that omnipresent feeling of crash landing, we move ahead. We do things on our own, we do things that others fear, we sometimes fear what others do. We're fragile, we're brave, we're wise, and all that. But above all we're human. Some of us forget it. Some of us know it and some are still to experience it.

My guess is that its about being happy.

Has-Been

2007-04-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

He lies in wait for someone to tell
Tell him he's good, that he is the best
He waits for people to shout his name
Say he is King, Oh what a shame

He never speaks of anyone else
Better than him,he does not think
That anyone could be better than him
He's made a mistake, its now sinking in

Will someone tell him that he's insecure
He lives in a castle of false hope and more
You can't be respected, if you can't respect
You can't keep getting, if you can't beg

He has-been, yes he has been
someone he thinks who made up this dream
That is so laughable, you should believe
That dream could be fulfilled even without him.

Grow up grow up, you bundle of joy
If that's what your purpose in life is to be
Don't be grudgin' about the bad deal you got
Life's like that, it's just one shot

The man at the center

2007-04-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

If you tell me there is another life beyond this, that is good. Because there is hope and hope is good.

I believe from my experiences of being, being no body in particular, that character and merit are different things. To say that a man has character, is different from lauding his merits or even recognizing them. You hear peals of laughter around you and wonder, where is all the fun happening, and wonder if the center of attention is a man of merit, or a man of character.I believe success chooses its candidates democratically. So character and merit are matters of insignificance. There is no greater democracy than the business of success. They 'smile' at you if they think you've done it. So many people to please, such a short life to live. Will I ever get ahead? Will I ever be respected? Will the tide ever turn? All this is for now. For in life I think, everything is balanced. Everything. You cannot ride the crest of a wave in oblivion to the fact, that the trough is soon to follow.

Someday, this tide will turn. The attention will remain, and the peals of laughter will stay.

Only, the man at the center will be someone else.

A song about bad coffee

2007-03-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a ginger headache
knowing it was past 9:30, it could be quite late
I pulled myself out of the sheets
only to find the ground shaky underneath

"Damn! This must be one of those days"
When I write a song on a cloudy day
The clouds are simply a reason to write
The real fuss took place way past midnight

My head is spinning and my coffee really sucks
whoever finished the milk sure had his luck
Now its sugarless liquid without any cream
I've gotta wake up, this must be a dream!

The house is empty and my friends have all gone
I decide to steal some milk from the neighborhood barn
The boy from Bengal, a watch he must keep!
I'll kick his ass later, when he's asleep.

This ain't a song, it cannot be sung
with lyrics like that, its already undone
but I don't care, not anymore
the coffee lies spilled, all o'er the floor!

Romeo & Juliet

2007-03-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

She laughed, he smiled
he spoke, she listened
She stumbled, he held
He fell, she hurt
She sang, he hummed
kept time and rhyme
To the clear blue skies
their voices they lent
Some birds they were,
that heaven had sent
The sky they loved,
adored his gaze,
his orange blush
that showed his craze
The birds followed
wherever they went,
sang in harmony
like faithful friends
They were alone
and yet in company
of splendid nature
They could have asked,
but they got even better
For words unspoken
their eyes met
and gave unto the other
the love within
Those who watched
in awe would wonder
"Is there so much love
in this time of blunder?"
Some envied,
some smiled,
some cursed,
and some blessed
Little did they know
what this life meant
But those who did
followed Romeo and Juliet.

Cryptic Clues

2007-03-15T01:36:00.006-07:00

For my God-hope-if-everything-goes-well final semester at UT, I have chosen to write a report. Something about head phones and all that jazz. I won't get too technical but I realized I don't like the horror/wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee type of movies anymore because I think I am in one. One month to go.One. And they tell me not to underestimate the power of one. I won't. I think I'll do it. I really do.

I'm trying to derive inspiration from various sources(like talking to the nice Bengali boy from Lake Tulsa and Anusha Ravi. [No, this one's definitely no SiTAR product]) and in doing so I think even Microsoft is sending me cryptic clues.Confusing ones, those too. Every time IE crashes(Incidentally, Crash was definitely Oscar worthy), it requests me to let the big guys at MS(MicroSoft for Dummies) know about it.And the options are......(drum roll plays here for 4 musical bars)

[Send Report] [Dont Send Report]

Trust MS to be helpful. And here they are doing the job and how! Too much information. I think its time to 'eat' the information sending 'cookie' and disable error reporting. At least till I'm done.

Oh by thee way, the use of brackets is deliberate. Just to see if you know BODMAS men bugger!

My life- A Canvas

2007-03-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

I want my life to be a canvas
On which I can paint
My dreams, the one's I see when I'm happy
The one's that come true

I want to be able to use the center of that canvas
For love, for the love I have, and the love I have received
For the friends who make me the person I am,
Who make me shine, who make me believe

I want colors that bring out the ones I love the best
Shades of ochre blue yellow and gold
Highlighting the good of what should be good,
A master piece, showing fully what it should.

I want my canvas to be a work of art
Not to be hung on a wall.
But a memory,
To be held in the hearts of all

I want my canvas to reflect music
If music could look like anything at all
I want it to be like a child's heart
Simple, with beauty that enthralls

I want God to paint my canvas, because I don't think I can do it so well
But if He were to hold my hand, I guess it would be swell
And paint every canvas here on earth,
To make those lives masterpieces as well.

The Perils of Complacency

2007-03-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

I speak because I know,
Because I've been where no one has,
And yet I'm back, scarred and wise
I'm broke, I'm weak, I've paid the price

Like a solemn prayer, I heard her chant
the same words over a lifetime
those words were lost in translation
they were words meant to be mine

The complacent mind seeks its strength,
in defiance and denial, in luxury and rest
In oblivion it lies, in a foolish premise
It has no life, no wisdom, no joy, no smile

And then comes that jolt, from nowhere it comes
rocks that cradle that was stable all along
and then I knew, I had to wake up,
for I was cradling no more, I was down in the mud

Picking up is hard, I knew, they told
I heard, I smiled, and then I let go
Many a time has gone by since then
I look with sympathy at the man I knew then

To know is to know, that in knowledge lies truth
The courage of conviction, will forever bear fruit
to slow down and wait, is to bite the bait,
A complacement mind, is perilous to date.

Distractions on Credit

2007-03-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

I have two credit cards, one is a Master
And the other is my conscience,
If I could do it, I would for sure
Trade the latter for the plastic and keep 'em together.

I trust a gadget,it has a warranty
Can't trust a person, or the devil inside me*
I can be distracted, if I choose to be
Cos distractions you don't pay for - immediately.

I wan't to be in Austin
and later move to Cali
I think I've paid my principal
But the interest is killin' me

Rules were made, and broken to be
Written on sand and laid on water
A fistful of sand, million drops of water
Ive had a lifetime, thats slippin' out on me

Hold, touch, kiss and thrill
This life was beautiful*, and now I'm free
Recycle plastic*, and plant a new tree*
But the sapling's dead, please rescue me!

Inspired by 'The Italian Job', 'Life is beautiful', Global Warming & The Green Revolution

The Eye Pod

2007-03-05T00:51:00.000-08:00

An apple of confusion
Restless little pods
Occupy my mind
Just wait for the nod

Should I wait longer
And play the waiting game
Or take a bite from the apple
And put Adam to shame?

And so the morning came..

2007-03-01T09:11:00.000-08:00

Thus goes the story,
Of some wine and some glory,
That made the night, dark and gory
And the morning not so worthy
Of shining with some glory
Ashamed of the shadows
"The night has cast before me"
Morning din't show up,until
The sun grew weary, of waiting in the wings,
And said "No one can hold me.I think I'll tell my story"
And so out it came, the drug not withstanding,
Stood there and blazed into the day
Twas stoned, twas ecstasy!

Because I Love you..

2006-09-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

If you walk away,
I'll get up and follow,
I may not know where you'll be headed
I dont care, because I love you

This moment is clear. But what's even better,
is that this clarity is a triumphant moment!

Walking the line..

2006-09-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

I broke the line at Seattle's best today and got to face some bitter sweet music along with the coffee. Man! I feel so low.Breaking the queue , among other acts of shamelessness, ranks up there. And to add insult to injury, I got rebuked by some weirdo having a bad day with altruism . Apparently he'd been letting others go ahead of him. And then I, in true James Bond style, cut to the chase. With 5 people at one counter, I make a dash for the empty one, even before the next person in line had a chance to react to " I'll take the next person in line here". Why you may ask? Only two Jalapeno Cheese croissants remained. Two that appeared after two weeks of constant hovering about the place - a nutty way to window shop. Gazing at the empty glass shelves, and wondering, why those wonderfully delightful pieces of heaven, are not in attendance, I'd spend about 4 minutes, before the person at the counter would go, "Er..are you looking for something?" and I'd go ...*toothy grin*...

I squirm when I think of those, who took it quietly with a pinch of coccoa, shall I say? Never..never again I tell myself...

Hope the weirdo had a good day, and hope he enjoyed the coffee.Next time...hope there's no next time!

PS: Window shopping rocks!

The Buzz

2006-09-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

The buzz is not 'that...', the buzz is in my head. Here, right now, as I write. It's telling me

' Wake up...(softly)....WAKE UP (loudly).......wAKe uP(fuzzy)....WAKE UP (threshold of pain)...'

I shout back....' What the f*** for?'

The buzz rings back - ' There's somthin' kickin' your chin '

'Say what?'

The buzz - 'Say, It's that time of the year, Fall's here, I'm up for a screw.....that is SO TRUE...muhahaha!'

---- 'buzZZ OFF'

Art, Verses, Life

2006-08-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

Imitation is an art
Art imitates life
Life has no meaning
If bereft of strife

Devoid of strife, if art imitates life
It will describe not well,
The layers of wisdom and beauty that dwell,
In the midst of that creation, that claims to give life
Not 'life' but life
It's meaning, It's rhyme
To choose it some character, some purpose divine!

The Worthy Knight

2006-07-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

Simple and pure, black or white
Diluted love, incomplete fight
Scorching heat, hath bring no burn
Stand or stare, you must learn

The lonely walk, will bring no rest
amidst friends, you will burn bright
but time will choose, for you to leave
a sigh, a tear drop, a bended knee

Shame cannot! bring down so clear
The head that is high, with pride,not fear
The worthy shall uphold their virtues for long
But pride always comes before a fall

The thirsty shall be appeased, the content will rot
The rage to pursue will inspire their lot
The brave will die, but not in vain
The ignorant man will feel no pain

The battle will be won, the war will be lost
The worthy shall plead to fight their cause,
Those who watch will curse with spite
But the spirit will remain, forever bright!

-Rohan Joseph

Yawn! Tennis

2006-07-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

Ya, Yawn Tennis.Funny you think? NO, me thinks. No, I mean seriously, there is very little I have done for the game in the two chances that I got to play. The first attempt at that beautiful ball ended up with the ball landing in a court, 3 courts away. The second attempt put the ball beyond sight and scope. By that time, my good friend Raghavan( who has not yet learnt how to open the door of my car, inspite of the near hundred times he's sat in it. ), was already losing it. Couple that with Sabs on court. Wait all ye men, go slow,work in progress.

Sabs collected balls and kept them in his pocket and then stared.Then when he actually realised there was no ball to play, he fished into his pocket for his stock. Not his stock. By that time, Raghavan had pronounced a few choice expletives in tamil.Perhaps, they were not expletives, but he did a good job of making them sound like bad words.

The game was fun to watch though. Sabs threw in a few good shots, and Rags having trained before, attempted his best to impress us with his pro-like tennis play. He played well too. I sucked.That was the first day.

My second chance came yesterday with Ashwin, Amru and Krishnan. Krishnan played very well, Ashwin too. Amru tried his best, and did well. I aimed for the little box that you're supposed get the ball into, and ended up almost injuring an over zealous father(seemed more like a,"No training, no food" type dad) teaching his kids to serve and volley. The kids were WAY better than I. That felt terrible. I mean, how hard should it be to get the damn ball across?!It was hard alright. Balls all over the place, me in just one place. But thanks to Krishnans constant egging, I got two points. Saving grace! Bottom line - I sucked again.

But I think I've kind of learned, that I relish doing things that come easily to me. I mean, doesn't everybody? For that I love soccer. No struggle involved. Not that its subliminal, but I can play the game!

I've decided to give tennis a few more shots. I guess the lesson is, it gets easier after a while.

If it doesn't, who cares? The least you can get out of it is a laugh. Hitting a total stranger is also funny sometimes you know.

Ignorance!

2006-07-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hiding in the tranquil shadows of ignorance
Is a man who knows not a thing, he has no friend
He believes he is loved, he thinks he is liked
But the shadow is too dark,he lives in a den

He looks in the mirror, and what does he see?
A reflection of mirth and cool undying spirit
He turns around, only to ascertain
In absolute space, there is nothing but him

Then he turns again, and all is fine
"Oh Mirror! Thou art divine!"
Smiling, he poses,comfort so warm
Little does he know, that all is wrong

Will the sun ever shine, and blast the darkness
and banish the shadow of deep naivete?
Won't the man in the mirror, ever turn and sprint
or ignore the reflection and take one step?

A Letter to Zidane

2006-07-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if this post will ever be read by the great Zinadine Zidane, but if he were to ever read it, then there are somethings I would like him to know as well as some that I wish to learn.

Dear Zizou,

We love you! Yes....soccer lovers, fans, followers,players, enthusiasts,men,women,children,aged people,the media and your country France - they all love you. They love you for what you have given to this game, for what you have made soccer mean to them,and for those delightful entertaining moments you have given them, during their lives, when all they needed was a smile. You gave them that. You have made people smile. Your courage has given your country a dream and inspired them to believe that they can win, and you have won. You may not be aware, but there are millions of kids out there, who want to be like you, play like you and live your moments of triumph.All this, I want you to know, although I am not completely sure, that this you never knew.

Regards

* * *

Some questions are never answered. Some... like,Why? Why did Zidane,this icon of a player, have to bring to a game so beautiful, a moment so ugly? Rhetorical I know, yet somehow you wish you knew. Somehow you wish you could get into his head ;not the one that went ramming into that poor Italian defender(God bless him, if he said something really nasty!), but the one that brought victory to France, 8 years back; that cool head, that though written off as being old, and not really worthy enough of bringing home the 'ultimate prize', was responsible for getting France to where it was yesterday. No matter, how justified, he, or others may feel( and im sure, there aren't many that would feel that way) , that, was the last you saw of him. That image, will remain for life. Everytime he is mentioned, July 9th,2006 and the 110 minute of that game, will be brought up. But I am sure, that the impact of this player has been such, that after that bit of conversation concerning his mad moment, people will still herald him as the best player, possibly of this century.

I will never play soccer the way he does. What he did, was to make people stop... and watch. That is all I can do.. and will ever do. Zizou...forever!

As I perceive it

2006-07-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

Very recently, I came across this interesting question being asked on a forum quite popular with most youngsters today." Which movie do you think is better, The Shawshank Redemption or The Godfather?" I found the question interesting for it's inexplicable and complicated answer. How do you compare two very good movies? I mean really,how do you?

The answer according to me lies, not in how much money it made. The answer lies in how it impacted the viewer and to what extent. I think,a comparison is not fair. You cannot compare two extremely good movies, and say which one was better. But what you could do, is analyse the emotions you went through and if, those emotions were meant to be evoked, choose which movie did it better and for that reason decide which one of them you would prefer watching. The Godfather is an exceptional movie. But you cannot say, in the same breath, that The Shawshank Redemption is better, because the moment you think of another movie, you are taken to a different place, and the thought inspires different emotions. It is all about what the movie was supposed to impact, and what was actually impacted and to what extent.

You may argue, that it's perception( Frankly I find this word over used and very cliched. It is almost as if, if "perception" cannot explain it, then you're being too obtuse.) But over here, it does make a very strong point. After all, if what you see is what you like, and vice versa, then it is easy to decide. It is only when there is choice, and when you cannot decipher the number of brownie points you can assign to a particular choice, does the question become tougher to answer.

There are few other things in life, that are as subjective and less quantifiable as art and cinema. Then again, it is easy to tell a very bad movie from an average one, and even easier to distinguish between a trashy composition from a Mozart or a Beethoven. The beauty lies in the fact that,

"Each man has his poison to take
the will to have it, you cannot break,
if it means any less to you, then you must be blind
for you have your own poison, in your own mind."

That is, as I perceive it.

36 China Clown!

2006-06-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

I actually watched this movie.Sob. All for the sake of my craving for suspense and who-dunnits, I watched this one. This is my moment of clarity. And here's how I describe it.

Akshaye Khanna : If you watched DCH, then you know what this guy can do. If you watch 36 China town, you'll know what he shouldn't do - read - waste his time. Such a brilliant actor. You don't want to take your eyes off him even when he's mulling. He's that good.

Shahid Kapoor: --

Kareena Kapoor: Pretty-period

The Plot:Grrr...

Other Characters :Noisy

Suspense :Yawn!

Thrill: So-So

Who did it? : I don't know. I couldn't sit through it.

Moral of the story : What story?

Moment of clarity? You must be kidding! I'm still confused!

Shrug,splutter...

In good company

2006-06-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

"It's a crazy world, son. Very,very crazy.I don't know what the craze is about. All I know, is that it's a crazy world." The young boy stared curiously at his grandfather. He found it hard to comprehend. After all, he had all that he wanted. "Why do you say that grandpa?"

"Treaure your friends and hold onto those who love you." the old man said.Then, he remained silent. He looked into the distance. That evening, he died.

70 years later, the boy had become an old man. A beautiful picture of his grandfather adorned the wall of his room. It had a unique frame and was impressive. He looked at the picture, sometimes. He wiped the glass clean every week. The picture was indeed beautiful.

Sitting in the old man's chair, the boy felt ...young. "I am starting to believe he was right." he said with a smile. Around him sat his family and his friends. In the center was a cake.
They sang "Happy Birthday".And then they had cake and celebrated.

He did not understand the craze either, but he knew he was in good company.

Lost

2006-06-07T14:26:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what it could feel like
To wake up one day and not know your name
To lose sight of who you are,
Or what once was your claim to fame?

Have you felt pangs of anxiety
Of uncertainty and mindless agony?
When you are unsure of what next to do
When everything is either ebony or ivory?

Have crossroads caused you panic
And fear, and caused you to think that you don’t know where you must go?
Do you like the fact that in not knowing, you know bliss
But in bliss you are afraid that there is something you will not know?

Do you sleep at night, or wait for daylight?
Does it happen so soon, for you to sacrifice some peace?
To lose some sleep over something you cannot control,
To hold on in spite of there being nothing to hold?

Pray, hope and just let go,
Its okay to feel what you feel when you do
It’s okay to be lost,
Just get back soon.

When you get lost, you simply get back!

To be honest...

2006-03-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

To be honest

I cannot decide, between what's right and what's wrong
and yet I hold on to sanity like I've been doing all along

To be honest

Politicians should be flayed
if I knew it would be this way, I'd never have stayed

To be honest

Children are honest and children are pure
we change their minds, by deceipt and lure

To be honest

There are not many real men anymore
the ones that were, are now no more

To be honest

Coffee tastes better than tea
but if it is tea that stirs, then of what use can taste really be?

To be honest

Yesterday was better than today
but I can sense tomorrow, so Im having a great day

To be honest

There's nothing to compare to a beautiful song
not a fair maidens gaze,even if it were for long

To be honest

There's nothing that holds better than fear itself,
if you chose to be prisoned, how can anyone help?

To be honest

A smile could do what a frown cannot,
but don't expect too much, it's really not a lot

To be honest

I did not enjoy that last idea at all
but if I am the thought, then it can only be my call

To be honest is to be brave,
So I will be honest, I will be brave
I will confess my mind.. I cannot be a slave...

Getting it right

2006-03-06T18:18:00.000-08:00

Another moment of clarity has enticed me to write. And this time it is about getting it right. Have you stopped to think, why it is so, that nothing succeeds like success itself? Well I haven't. But the feeling is so strong, that there is an unquestionable lure that draws you to want it everytime you set out to do something.

There are times you just want to layback on those fond laurels, hoping against hope, that it works out just fine this time. Er, does it? No eh? Well, not quite I guess. I have noticed that being successful, parametrizes consistency. It is almost always important to have the same focus, the same will and the same drive to yearn for that all elusive feeling. One slip, and you feel like a luminary from 50 years back, who was loved back then, and loathed unanimously now.

On great expectations...Having them is good. Expect the best from yourself, and do not compromise. A compromise is for losers, for medicority-comfortable people. Sometimes, a compromise maybe a wise decision.It may actually turn out to be a factor contributional to the success you seek. But don't count on it. Striving comes naturally to those who have developed a taste for success...ah! that lovely flavor.Nothing to beat it!

So where do my thoughts take me from here? Coming up with a formula seems natural. What are the essentials then?

I think I've mentioned all of them. Oh no! Wait. What about salt to taste? Something so analogous to luck. Luck adds all the "high" to this success. But then again, I don't completely agree with the analogy and nor with the fact, that one needs a lot of luck. I think merit deserves a mention here.

So be it. A meritorious victory is a glorious one. Then again, would'nt it be super to be lucky and ..erm..ah well...

I am being contradictory in many ways. I guess this is my moment of clarity. There is no real formula. I give up. Back to work I think. What this moment has done, will show in a while.

But all the same, I want to taste that flavor all the time, everytime.

Till then...my eyes will gleam, and my mouth will water for more....

What a shame!

2006-03-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

I find myself in reactionary mode, and I have been advised against writing by a fellow blogger who is also a close friend. But if you know me well, then I am not one to heed to such advice, as I feel it tends to make me compromise on being myself. It is in my nature to react, and that has often time worked against me. This time I don't care, because it's personal, maybe not directly, but then I don't need a degree in rocket science to figure out that it was meant to be direct.

My integrity has been attacked and my ability, questioned. I am being deprived of credit.Under the oridinary circumstances I would be angry. But strangely, this time around, it's not anger, its pity! My reaction is justfied, and this medium is the only jusitifiable leveler.

I thought age had something to with maturity. Apparently it does not apply in the case of a certain 22/23 year old I have come to know, by a consequence of circumstance and situation. She, I have understood has very little understanding of the meaning of the words restraint and patience. She has made presumptions, wrong ones and senseless ones, not only about me, but also about friends of mine. This aggravates the need for a response even more then.

So I am here to question and to answer. I will place rhetorics, and I will answer them myself.The first one goes thus: Why do we call loved ones so? Is there a profit to be made? Well ofcourse there is. Love is need based. Totally. You need love, you need to love. It's not charity;it is a mutual feeling you exchange. There is effort involved and there are sacrifices to deal with.But that is the whole point. It does not make life rosier, it does not solve problems, but it makes situations easier to reason and deal with. You have a shoulder to cry on and everybody needs that one shoulder.

But then there are some really strange people who do not understand this feeling and have not been blessed. So they choose instead to label themselves as frustrated and pure unlucky only because they can't get over the fact that they don't have some body to love. You cannot have a friend if you are suspicious. You cannot solve a problem through blame. Somebody else's life being easier does not mean you have done something wrong to make yours more difficult. May be it is truly beyond what you can do.

In the case of this particular person, I'd like to quote Jack Nicholson's character from the movie As good As it gets. He says, " It's not that you had it bad that sucks. It is that somebody else had it better, that sucks more"

The average reader may not undertand what I am saying here. It is for those who know. And just to clarify on behalf of all those who felt hurt by that rather insulting piece of writing; we have what it takes to do it, and we can when we choose to. Having a friend, boy, girl or whatever din't get the job done, it made the struggle more beautiful. Then again, you, to whom this blog is addressed to, wouldn't understand this, since you are so absorbed by your own problems. I hope you get over them and are happy soon. I pity you for your reaction. But it's over and I've said what I think I should.

P:S : Get a life girl!

Think Big...ThinkPad

2006-02-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

If youve guessed by the title, simply good. The Lenovo is here. Or rather was here and Ive now woken to its gnawing on my technological crave. The IBM ThinkPad rocks my friends, and now, I am a proud owner of one. If there is a community, I'd like to join it; if there isn't I'd like to create it. If you're waving off the insanity, do so at your own peril. 'Cos till you touch it, you dont know what Im talking about. Here's exactly what inspires:

Thin, light, compact, sleek, elegant, convenient, robust, sturdy and superb. Get it?

You 've gotta see it if you haven't already. Just about anything from the ThinkPad series is good. I've got a T42. And then there's the Tablet. Sigh!. If only...

Doesn't matter. What's there, rocks good enough. Check it out at :

http://www.ibm.com

Navigate to the Notebooks section and find the ThinkPad series there.

This was not a marketing gimmick. This was just an outburst of excitement. You'll know what I'm talking about if you see it. The blog ends here. Go ...figure.

Man, that was fast!